Jupiter: Intronizacja

For me, probably the guilty pleasure of the year. The film is aesthetically unattractive, with a leading villain that takes it all the way to 11 and a very incompetent casting. When Mila Kunis tries to look serious, it simply doesn’t work… but when she tries to drop one-liners, it’s almost painful. Only the core premise of planets as people factory-farms or fuel to keep the vitality of the galactic rulers had some potential, but this time the Wachowskis were unable to exploit it. On the other hand, I must confess that, in its own way, this crap was actually fun. (03.05.2015)

Too bad about the idiotic script and zero character motivation. The reason to watch the Wachowskis' films, besides the many clever ideas and often interesting innovations in various aspects, is the visuals, and unfortunately that's also the only thing that really works reliably here. But what to do when all those aesthetically intoxicating, almost bizarrely Victorian sets and worlds look so stunning and yet the film is such crap? Surprisingly, the Tatum & Kunis chemistry works above average but it’s cheesy. (25.10.2015)

Sometimes it's sad to see how a perfect-looking blockbuster can crumble into smaller and smaller pieces with each scene. What starts with the absurd scenes with the Russian family the script calmly continues with random scenes without no explanation of bizarre names, theories, and memories, and it absolutely triumphantly concludes with Eddie Redmayne in a perfectly annoying acting role in front of a pre-embalmed corpse that cannot produce a single comprehensible sentence. Lana and Lilly Wachowski should be glad that Channing Tatum smoothly switched to air skating, because without his aerial antics in the final fiery inferno, the rating would unquestionably drop into even more terrifying places. (05.02.2015)

I was sort of hoping that the Wachowskis wouldn’t pour 200 million dollars into a black hole and so I’ve been ignoring the reviews around here before I watched the movie myself. I played it with excitement and within a few minutes, I got into a phase where I would have probably immediately turned it off if it weren’t for the beautiful space shots and effects, because the story is totally out of it. At first, the very first shootout reminded me of Star Wars, then the space scenes moved more towards Star Trek and then Channing Tatum popped onto the screen to explain that he’s a werewolf from outer space. It really couldn’t have been any dumber and I’ve never seen a more idiotic movie with such a high budget. (19.06.2015)

What a mess. I have yet to give such a "big", expensive movie with decent visual effects only an average rating. The film a rip-off a lot of other bigger sci-fi movies (Star Wars, Total Recall, The X-Files), the script is very mediocre, suffering mainly from lack of one-liners, Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis are surprisingly cool, but all the other supporting characters were annoying, such a lot of creepy and unlikeable actors together is hard to see, and even though the visuals are quite nice, the action is absolutely uninteresting, unengaging and unfortunately boring. Watching Tatum skating through the sky, pulling out a ridiculous shield and shooting was a bit too much for me. If at least the three interesting bad guys shown at the beginning were given more space, I'd be willing to shoot for a third star, but since they disappeared from the film without a fight, I'll be strict. Disappointing, bad taste in the mouth and the weakest cinema film so far. 45% (12.02.2015)